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1) Put the following in order, from least recent to most recent:Back in the dayThe days of yoreYesteryearWay back whenThe olden days2) If you were a zombie, do you think you would be sexually attractedto other zombies, or would you still be into living humans?3) If you were a giant insect ravaging an urban area, which kind ofinsect would you be? Which urban area would you choose to ravage?4) Without using Google or Wikipedia, can you tell me where the name"Spam" actually comes from?5) What the hell is wrong with these people?6) Disregarding what you can actually get paid for, and even thelimits on what can even be accomplished by a human being, what wouldyou do for a living if you could do anything you wanted?7) If you were going to start a heavy metal band and you wanted areally intense name, what would you call it?8) Which are worse: asshole pedestrians or asshole drivers?9) Escalators: walk on the left, stand on the right. How fuckinghard is that to understand?10) Do you or does anyone you know use this drug called "cheese" thatall these stupid kids are ODing on in Texas? If not, do you resentthat the name of something so wonderful is being perverted by a bunchof asshole junkies from Texas?When finished with your quiz, please place your answer sheet face downon your desk and either put your head down or read silently untileveryone has finished. After all the quizzes are complete, if we haveany free time left before the end of the work day, we can play "Headsup, 7-up."

Do you ever read columns by right-wing nutjobs and start bleeding from the eyeballs because you're just so damned mad? Yeah, me too. Thankfully, we have people like Leonard Pierce, who are willing to jump in, wade neck deep in the foulest bullshit there is, and parse it all out with a sense of humor. This kind of effort allows you to happily guffaw your way through life, even if you are bleeding from the eyeballs with rage.And after years of providing this valuable assault on right-wing crankcases on his own livejournal (ludickid), on Clown Central Station, and most recently on Sadly, No, Leonard is taking the next step. In February, he'll be attending CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference. CPAC 2007 featured speeches by Dick Cheney, almost every Republican running for president, and such prominent high-profile but as-yet unelected headcases as Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter. The agenda, as Leonard has stated it:"I want to go to CPAC next year. I want to say something to Michelle Malkin that will make her tongue swell up. I want to get bets going on when Ann Coulter will say "faggot". I want to hear Fred Dalton Thompson talk about how he will personally execute Muslim extremists. I want to listen to a live Musclehead Revolution podcast. I want to describe to Ben Shapiro what sex is like. I basically want to liveblog the whole thing, and get drunk and rowdy with dumb-ass right-wing talking heads. And I want to do it on your dime."Yeah, that's right. Unfortunately, CPAC is for designed for rich people, the honorable Mr. Pierce requires some help getting there. So, I'm plugging this for him, in hopes that you'll want to contribute, and join us in the cause of creating a small but hopefully noticeable thorn in the side of the vast right-wing conspiracy circle-jerk.And for the record, just like PBS, there are fantastic prizes for those who donate. So please donate.Send Leonard to CPAC!

Mid-year resolution: From now on, I'm taking some creative licensewith the feedback comments I leave for people on eBay. The ones Iposted today:"This seller should be Lord of All Humans.""I found this commercial transaction to be spiritually fulfilling."